THE END OF MELANIE THE SIZE QUEEN! SHE APOLOGIZES AND EXPLAINS...

It started by accident. I was just surfing about the web when I discovered a link to the "Large Penis Support Group", a discussion board that I assumed to be the phallic equivalent of Borat or something. I quickly learned it was the real deal--thousands of threads discussing matters of penis length and girth.

That was an interesting discovery. I know that guys are obsessed with penis size, so I can't say I was totally surprised by the subject matter. I was however, shocked at the level of participation and the audience size of the forum. When I first visited the forum, there were around 35,000 active members and a total of over 100,000 registered members. About 20 members were logged in at that moment.

Mental wheels turning, I started doing a little Googling for penis-related information. There is obviously a huge interest in huge penises. While doing some cursory investigation, I noticed LPSG results in the first few pages of results for a few different queries. That's when I decided it was time to see if a collection of guys who are nuts over potato-sized nuts might represent a real opportunity for fun and profit.

The fun part? Hey, I like large penises. I figured I would have a great time and would probably run into a few opportunities to indulge in a personal fantasy of sorts.

The profit part? Any forum with that kind of membership and activity can undoubtedly create a quick flow of targeted traffic. That's usually the hardest part about making money online--getting the prospects to the pitch. The LPSG seemed like fertile ground for a forum marketing experiment.

In order to make a stab at this, I was going to need a few things...

A NAME: I needed a name. I decided I was more likely to grab fast attention if I kept my femininity intact, so I quickly Googled a list of the sexiest female names. The top entries seemed a little obvious, so I went with a monicker that finished among the top 10 on multiple lists: Melanie. For some reason, I decided I should go with a foreign surname. Russian seemed like as good an idea as any other, so I did a search for Russian surnames. Tarasov hopped right out at me. Say hello to Melanie Tarasov.

AN EMAIL ADDRESS: Gmail was the obvious choice. I decided to go with something involving the new name and the particular subject matter under exploration. Grow4Melanie was available. I thought it was sufficiently "penis".

A SITE: I needed somewhere to direct that traffic. I thought a full-scale website would make the process a little too obvious, so I decided to create a blog at Blogger.com. I used a URL that echoed the email address. It took about five minutes to create a simple blog and to customize it a little bit. I started with one general "I like big penises" post to "hold space". After I took a look around the forum a little more carefully, I thought, I could tweak it as necessary. Plus, it didn't make sense to dive in too deep without having monetization methods in place.

FORUM MEMBERSHIP: I set up an account lickety-split. Mentioned "size queen", etc. Picked an avatar by Googling for "100x100 avatar". It was a face shot of an animated character from "Anastasia". I thought that went well with the Russian name. Of course, I linked to my blog from my forum sig. and within my member bio.
MONETIZATION: This was a hit-and-run project, so I didn't do extensive research. I read some posts, got the feel for the forum, used a modicum of common sense and determined a direction for the blog and its monetization. Adsense was out of the question due to adult content, so I tossed up an AVNads skyscraper. I registered with an adult affiliate program that included a few large penis sites. I also signed up with a penis enlargement affiliate program and found four or five PE products on Clickbank to promote. I did a write up with links to one of the CB projects and put it on the sidebar along with some of the PE affiliate stuff. I didn't straight-promote the porn in the sidebar. Instead, I decided to use their content samples (linked to tours, of course) as imagery for my blog posts and occasional "in post" linking. I put a banner or a button ad for the PE product at the bottom of each post.

Here's why I chose what I chose: Although the member base wasn't necessarily (at least not admittedly) interested in PE products, I noticed that the forum was getting a lot of attention from readers who weren't members. I could only assume that a lot of those eyes were part of bodies attached to smaller penises with owners interested in enlargement. I did know, based on a slew of IMs I received from members and other factors, that there were plenty of dudes in the forum interested in watching porn involving large penises. I also discovered that some "smaller" men were about, looking to be mocked/humiliated for their perceived shortcomings.

CONTENT ADJUSTMENT: I could've just posted occasional messages in the forum, hoping to get a little curiosity traffic and using them to boost the blog's backlink count. I could've worked at becoming a favorite member and developing a little cache. Those would both be long-term endeavors. I wanted some fast action. The fastest route would be controversy. I did some digging in the forum and quickly learned that "small penis humiliation" was a topic that stirred controversy like few others (aside from circumcision--they are always fighting about foreskin in that joint). So, Melanie the size fan became Melanie the hater of small penises. I was a lightning rod waiting to happen.

It requires a bit of delicacy to make this kind of thing work, though. If I waltzed in, said "I hate guys with small penises and hope they're forced to be slaves of huge men and the women who worship size", I'd be immediately disregarded as a faker or a spammer. I decided to take a slightly more subtle approach.

I churned out a few quick blog posts that were pro-size and anti-small. They were tame by many small penis humilation enthusiast's standards, no doubt, but they left no ambiguity regarding Melanie's opinions. Just to be a little different, I almost completely avoided profanity. It was as close to PG-13 small penis humiiation as you could get. I thought that made it seem somehow more sincere and a little different. In some ways, I think it made the whole thing seem more cold and heartless (read: even more controversial).

I was ready to begin in earnest. Little did I know that I was going to hit a minor jackpot.

MY SIMPLE INTRODUCTION: I made a few other posts around the forum, but it turns out that the simplest one would create the biggest stir. It was a simple introduction explaining my appreciation for large male genitalia. It also served to put a link for the blog on the board. Seven words. Bigger is Better--and that's a fact!

It took members about two seconds to follow that link. Immediate traffic. Little did I know, however, that I would end receiving over 1,000 unique visits as a direct result of that thread within three days! Most of that traffic, of course, didn't come from members. They came from the giant mass of otherwise-silent onlookers. The thread was growing and getting attention, it was a magnet for the curious.

My blog content pissed people off. The ads in the blogs pissed people off. The fun part, though, is that I really didn't have to spam the forum to make it happen. My actual remarks within the forum were, relatively speaking, tame and inconsequential. I wasn't spamming anyone! I didn't make excessive calls for attention to the site. Seven little words in a signature. I was in a great position to argue with a long line of self-proclaimed penis-toters. So, I carried on the discussion as long as possible.

That's really all I could do. This was a quick ploy and I knew it would play out in a hurry. Massive flames burn out quickly, after all. So, I kept it up. I posted "my photos"--culled from an online source and consistent with the little personal information I had passed along. I played innocent. I was confrontational and snotty enough to enable the flame war while being demure enough to encourage its continuation. I received an onslaught of IMs from guys who wanted to get on camera and show me their junk, too. Weird stuff.

The weirdness led to some great traffic, though. The big question was whether or not that traffic would convert.

Today, the number of unique hits had exceeded 1,000 and I decided to shut the project down.

THE BENJAMINS: I did make money off of the project. Not enough to get rich, of course, but enough to justify the total time spent on the experiment.

The PE stuff didn't attract many hits and didn't produce a single conversion. No money there.

The ClickBank stuff? I snagged a few sales.

I don't have AVNad data yet, but I'm betting it adds up to a few cents at most.

The adult sites, marketed a little more surreptitiously, did better. Signups plus recurring subscription commissions. I'll be contributing earnings to an AIDS-related charity.

My total time expenditure was a little under six hours. I was able to handle this project a few minutes at a time, here and there.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON THE LPSG: This is an active community of both gay and straight guys who are interested in large penises, guys of all proclivities who have them, a few women who really are single-mindedly obsessed with size, a few decent people who just found some friendly conversation, and many more, shall we say, fictional participants with phallic preoccupations. The homosexual content level (obvious and found in subtext) was surprisingly high to me. I found the place very accepting of most alternative perspectives on sexuality (mine excluded). Overall, it's sort of a neat board with smarter-than-average membership.

APOLOGIA: Yes, I basically lied about my stance on penis size and misrepresented my true identity. Do I feel bad about that? I'll get back to that in a minute, but I want to outline some of the guilt mitigators first...

First, it gave those who feel that disdain for the small-penised is wrong a platform to express their perspective. Second, it gave those who do have kinks in the sph direction an outlet. Third, I'm relatively certain (based on examining forum contents) that LPSG is a hotbed for fakery, anyway. If it's not an expectation for those folks, it should be. Fourth, I'm relatively sure that some of the people who argued with me enjoyed the opportunity to do so. Fifth, I admitted the errant nature of the viewpoint expressed in this blog's previous incarnation in my final forum post. Sixth, I think that most of the people who did get upset will be happy for their "I told you so" opportunity. Seventh, it's hard to feel too bad about being "Melanie the size queen" when you're reading messages from self-proclaimed 19 year-olds with allegedly 14-inch penises who claim to be banging everyone in a ten-mile radius since they were 11 years old. Eighth, I am donating earnings from this project to an AIDS-related charity. Ninth, I got tons of reaction from members who did enjoy my perspective, taking it in stride as part of the obvious exaggeration it was. Finally, I think many people there are laid back enough to get a kick out of this whole process.

On the other hand, I think I did offend some people. When I created this size queen persona, I assumed the material was so over the top that people would immediately interpret it as exaggeration for effect. I thought it was obvious hyperbole and that no one could take it too seriously. It was, I believed, completely outlandish.

Apparently, some people did read it as legit and offensive. I thought it was caricature. Some perceived it as portrait. That's unfortunate and I do sincerely apologize to those who might have been offended by what I believed to be a clear "unreality". Apologies.

I also didn't realize that some of the membership took the LPSG quite so seriously. I know that relationships and communities can grow around any topic, and large penises are no exception. However, my cursory examination of the board revealed sufficient outlandishness that I interpreted the forum as being a bit more freewheeling and "loose" in that regard than it actually is (at least for some members). I apologize for the interruption to community and wish all of you the very best.

THE REAL ME: I'm a self-employed thirtysomething woman who likes to experiment with online marketing. I do wear a b-cup bra, I am relatively fit, and I do get a sly grin on my face (and do experience a little jolt of excitement) when I see a larger-than-average penis. I'm also happily married to a guy with a completely average-sized penis who didn't seem to experience any kind of confidence issues throughout this project.

Yours truly,

"Melanie"